Remembering a Different Future
Everyone seeks to be emotionally free and determined. But we also want to share our lives with the important people in our lives. This has been called the intimacy paradox. Can we have both at the same time? How can we be intimate yet independent from our parents?
Remembering a different future means we can learn to retell the story from our past in this present moment while opening up new possibilities for healthier behaviors. This means seeing our past from a new perspective; finding new meanings for old experiences, and changing pathways that will lead us into the future.
How do we change the meaning of these past experiences? The meanings we already have are meanings we have chosen. We have told the stories of our lives and have made up the meanings. So, we can change our own meanings to lead us in the direction we want to go/travel.
In order to rewrite the stories of the past, we must restructure our interactions in our present relationships with our family members. We need to take responsibility for our own emotions and lives, while allowing our family members to do the same.
LaDonna McBride, Ph.D., LCSW, LMFT