Monday, July 18, 2016
The Return to Innocense
"...Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence.
If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny."
This song, as well as many others, point us towards the truth and simplicity of innocence. It is not a marketing campaign towards tolerance, but innocence. We have promoted tolerance for far too long. Unity can't come from tolerance, but rather from a respect for our other co-inhabitors of the planet Earth. Innocence has several definitions including freedom from sin or moral wrong, but the one I want to point out is "simplicity; absence of guile or cunning". Most of us would admit we never use the word "guile"; however, it's a great word that describes an insidious cunning to attain a goal or crafty or artful deception. I think most of us would agree that this world is full of guile. The word itself sounds nasty.
We are bombarded daily from every angle of this negativity in our world. We are told to be tolerant or to hate or to seek revenge or to fight for justice or whatever. I'm not speaking negatively about seeking justice or equality or anything else, instead, I'm wanting to point out the artful deception that so many (including me) have fallen under. This deception started at the beginning of our world and continues until now. It's the small deception, the small twists in wording, the small seed planted in our heads that begin to grow and manifest themselves in all out hate, robbing us of our innocence. That was what was robbed during that fateful event when we first plucked the fruit from the tree. I say we because we have all sinned, we have ALL lost our innocence.
So how do we return to innocence? How do we step away from the deception and guile that permeates our world? I will hold to the notion of focus as the key to this freedom. You see, the deception has and will continue to be the idea that if we focus on the injustice of the world that somehow it will be changed and justice will prevail. If we focus on the hate and allow ourselves to rage as an individual or, better yet, as a community, that the community will change. If we focus on tolerating others who think, act, or believe differently then we will all get along. These will never fix the problem because we are focusing on the wrong thing. You see, when we focus on the hate, we allow the hate to grow. When we focus on the injustice it begins to permeate our mind also. When we focus on being more tolerant then we feel slighted that our own beliefs are no longer important as compared to others. When we focus on ourselves, we allow our pride to grow.
The answer is clear and it has been proven over and over again. The song above says to look inside your heart. This "looking" is really more examination. Examine your heart and re-focus. Let go of those things (hate, guile, injustice, pride, etc.) that hinder you and keep you from running this race we call life. Don't be encumbered and trapped, but let go of everything that pulls your focus away from the finish line.
The song also speaks of emotion. Emotion is a powerful force that has both destroyed nations and also forged some of the greatest things we have ever known. Emotions can protect us, help us, move us, and change us. However, despite all their power, all emotion is just that, it's emotion. Emotion is to always come under the control of logic and we have failed to teach that for many years. We have allowed feelings to rule our decisions rather than aid in our decisions. It's time to re-claim both logic and emotion. Emotions are beautiful and powerful and instead of fear them or revere them, we should instead embrace them as they are and for what they are. We must allow each other to feel; however, we must always choose to act in a logical manner, rather than out of those emotions.
So allow yourself to feel compassion for ALL loss of life. Allow yourself to feel angry over injustice. Allow yourself to feel joy and love and happiness. However, DON'T allow yourself to remain FOCUSED on those emotions. Feel them, express them in a healthy manner, and then release them. Expression of those feelings should NOT include acts of violence or hate. There are healthy and appropriate ways of expression that have no negative consequences.
To wrap up this blog, I want to pull everything back into this idea of focus. Focus on the positive. Focus on the things with which you have been blessed. Focus on the One who created and then gave you those blessings. Focus on those who are hurting and those who are lost - emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Love your co-inhabitants of this world. Allow the Focus on the positive to change your behavior even today. Don't focus on the person who cut you off at the stop light, instead be grateful you weren't hit. Don't focus on the injustice, but recognize and realize there is plenty of justice doled out every day mostly in healthy ways.
Today, let's all try to be less tolerant but more innocent. Let's not focus on injustice, but be happy about justice. Let's choose not to allow our emotion to rule us, but instead choose to embrace and then RELEASE emotion then ACT in a logical and loving way. Let's choose to look beyond the external and see the heart.
As always, let's Create Hope for Tomorrow in all we do today.
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitation and Reprocessing)
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Remembering a Different Future
Monday, August 25, 2014
Suicide: Heaven or Hell
Monday, July 7, 2014
Who is Logos Counseling Services and Why do we exist?
Creating Hope for Tomorrow. What an incredibly simple statement, but as simple as it is to say, it is incredibly difficult to obtain. That is why Logos is here. Almost 20 years ago I started my practice. I used a Professors office and I believe I only saw one client for several years. My hope in my future as a therapist seemed dismal. I had a good job in another field, but my heart longed to help others. But how could I help others when I had not found my own way through the darkness. One day I had an epiphany, thanks to a great supervisor who spoke words of wisdom into my life. She reminded me of my dream to become a therapist, which had been buried underneath bills and a desire to move up the corporate ladder. After another month of prayer and seeking wisdom I decided to step out on a great adventure. I quit my job and opened Logos Counseling Services.
Most people ask about the name. Although I had heard the Greek word Logos many times I had never really understood the full meaning of the word until a preacher at my parents old church spoke on the word. The Greek word Logos can be found in many places, including the Bible. Logos is the Word, or Christ as a part of the trinity. It is also where we get our word reason or logic. My approach to counseling is to help people find help with their emotional pain by using logic and reason as well as their Faith in Christ (assuming they have one). If they do not have a Faith in Christ then it still doesn't negate the truth found in the Word, it is simply presented in a slightly different manner. And no, I don't use logic to "battle" emotion. Instead we use logic to better understand the concept of emotion and how it works. Then we use logic to begin implementing strategies to help drain the excess emotion and find a balance between the gifts of emotion and logic.
Over the years the business has morphed into what it is now, but the original vision stays the same. Our desire as a company is to help create hope for tomorrow. We all use different techniques and methods to accomplish this goal but it's the same vision. We know we can't help everyone, but we try to touch those we can.
Over the years I have found several keys to finding success and I'd like to share them with you.
First, I had to change my definition of success. I had to take it out of the tangible world and place on the intangible. Success can't be about money or fame because then we ride the roller coaster of happiness and depression. Tangible items always come and go. Even many intangible items come and go. Success had to be something internal, a desire to become someone different, someone better. Then I chose to try to take people with me along this road. We all achieve success because we re-defined success in terms that we can achieve. We set achievable goals and learned to celebrate each small victory along the way.
Second, I realized the importance of relationships. Please recognize I didn't use the singular tense there. It's not about a singular human relationship, it's about relationships. These relationships take on different forms as well as different levels of intimacy, but they are all important. Some are seasonal, some are lifelong. Some are intense, some are easy. They are all different. My first ally at Logos were my parents, most especially my Mother. She took on the role of answering phone calls from a cell phone almost 200 miles away from where I practiced. She also learned a brand new skill set by learning how to file insurance claims. To this day she is still the "Voice of Logos". Her voice is the first voice you will hear (if you go to voicemail) at all our Logos locations. Having her on my side gave me the support to keep pushing ahead. She was both a voice of reason and encouragement. It is important to have someone in your corner. Oftentimes we lack those types of relationships that are intimate enough to be the voice of reason AND encouragement. I've been blessed with many of those relationships over the years and I continue to relish all of them.
Third, I stopped "fighting for my rights" and chose instead to fight for others. This fighting still isn't in the form of physical confrontations or harsh debates (although I do enjoy them), instead it's in the form of caring more for others than myself. Although I'm huge on self care, I do believe our society has crossed the line between self care and selfish. We have to work hard to be much less self centered and choose to focus on others around us. This is a daily struggle for me. It's easy to leave my office and not want to hear anything else negative. It's easy to shut people out because of selfishness. I have to constantly remind myself to let others in and to choose to focus on them.
I hope by hearing my heart and both my journey and the journey of my team you will begin to understand the Logos' vision. We will continue to push forward and help people create hope for tomorrow.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Grief & Loss
“Grief is the constellation of internal thoughts and feelings we have when someone loved dies.”
“Mourning is the outward expression of grief”.
Everyone with the ability to give and receive love grieves when a loss is suffered, but Dr. Wolfelt contends that “if we are to heal, we must also mourn. Over time, with the support of others, to mourn is to heal.”
Have you been mourning your loss, or have you restricted yourself to grieving?
It is important to learn self compassion. Realize you are in uncharted territory and there is no rule to follow in grieving. Each person’s grief is unique.
Dr. Wolfelt lists Six Needs of Mourning:
- Acknowledge the reality of the death. This acknowledgement will likely first be only in your head and in time also in your heart. Talking about the death will help you with this need.
- Embrace the pain of the loss. The common reaction is to push away and against, but in embracing your grief, you will learn to reconcile yourself to the loss. You will likely need to do this step slowly and in small doses.
- Remember the person who died. Your loved one lives on in your memory. Don’t allow others to take your memories away in a misguided attempt to save you from pain. “Remembering the past makes hoping for the future possible.”
- Develop a new self-identity. You may have gone from being wife to widow or from parent to bereaved parent. The way you and others defined you has changed. “You need to re-anchor yourself, to reconstruct your self-identity.” This is difficult and painful work. Although difficult, we often ultimately discover that the person we evolve to is more caring and less judgmental than our previous self.
- Search for meaning. “You will probably question your philosophy of life and explore religious and spiritual values as you work on this need. Remember that having faith or spirituality does not negate your need to mourn.” “Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.”
- Receive ongoing support from others. The love and understanding of of others helps us to heal. It is OK to need others and to accept help from others. Unfortunately our society is usually focused to “getting and accumulating” and seldom teaches about loss. “Grief is a process, not an event, and you will need the continued support of your friends and family for weeks, months, and years.
In this book, Dr. Wolfelt lists many many ways for you to work through your grief and pain. Just a few are writing a letter to the person who died, keep a journal, drink lots of water, pet a pet, and ignore hurtful advice.
In addition to Healing Your Grieving Heart, another great book is Tear Soup by Pat Schwiebert, Chuck DeKlyen, Taylor Bills and Pat Schweibert (Jun 1, 2005).
- B R E A T H E ! The breath provides much healing. Spend 10-20 minutes daily (all at once or in 5 minute increments) breathing deeply and fully and just noticing--your breath, your body.
- Drink plenty of water. Stress taxes your body--water washes out toxins and keeps you hydrated.
- Exercise daily. Physical exercise directly affects mental health. When you move your body, you help your mind and your spirit. Walking, stretching, biking, elliptical, and especially yoga (because it combines strength training and deep breathing) will improve your overall health.
- Seek out social connections--even when (especially when) you don’t want to. Sometimes you can “fake it til you feel it.”
- Pamper yourself--massages, pedicures, manicures, haircuts and styling, etc. It is OK to take care of yourself!
Glenda Goodwin, M.Ed., LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor)
Logos Counseling Services
info@logoscounseling.com
817-812-2880 (Office)