Dream Your BIG Dreams

In 1980, Christopher Cross released his debut album, on which was a #1 hit aptly named "Sailing". If you've never heard the song it's worth finding. It's a magical melody mixed with poetic lyrics that speak of the joys of sailing. The lyrics are:

"Sailing" by Christopher Cross

It's not far down to paradise

At least it's not for me

And if the wind is right you can sail away

And find tranquility

The canvas can do miracles

Just you wait and see

Believe me

It's not far to never never land

No reason to pretend

And if the wind is right you can find the joy

Of innocence again

The canvas can do miracles

Just you wait and see

Believe me

Sailing

Takes me away

To where I've always heard it could be

Just a dream and the wind to carry me

And soon I will be free

Fantasy

It gets the best of me

When I'm sailing

All caught up in the reverie

Every word is a symphony

Won't you believe me

It's not far back to sanity

At least it's not for me

And when the wind is right you can sail away

And find serenity

The canvas can do miracles

Just you wait and see

Believe me

In the early 80's things had become very busy. Even the clothes and hairstyles were "busy". Society had begun an inevitable change that meant our lives would become more and more hectic. In the middle of all this "busy-ness", this song was released that reminded us of the simplicity of relaxation. The song talks about fantasy and allowing our minds to freely wander. In todays society, we take medication in order to keep our minds FROM wandering. Our creativity is stifled and we no longer dream grandiose dreams. Our methods of relaxation include addictions to drugs and alcohol and/or prescribed medications. We rarely play sports for fun, instead we play to win. We don't write music and sing for the joy of singing, instead we do it so we can be the next American Idol. We are so driven as a society, but to where are we driving?

This year, I encourage everyone to take a moment and relax. Free your mind and allow it to wander. Dream your big dreams again and fantasize about how you're going to achieve those goals. Enjoy playing sports because it's what you love to do. Listen to, sing, write, and play music because it's your passion. Then go and share your dreams with people who will support you in your dreams. You already know who they are.

Create time each day to clear your mind and relax. Just be still. Psalm 46:10 (NIV) says, "Be still, and know that I am God". This same verse in New American Standard says, "Cease striving and know that I am God". The Hebrew word for "still" here is Raphah, which means to relax, let go, or be quiet. This year, learn how to relax and be quiet. Allow the peace of God to come over you and speak to you. Allow your creativity to run free, and allow yourself to dream your dreams and chase after them.

Stress Relief 101

The year was 1986 and I had just entered my Sophomore year in high school. Although I was a fairly smart kid, there were tons of really smart kids in my class and often times I felt a bit inferior. I was very blessed to have an amazing group of classmates that were smart, athletic, and incredibly talented (Yes, it is possible to be smart AND athletic at the same time). Anyway, one of my classes my Sophomore year was Biology. My teacher that year for Biology was one of the coaches. Now don't get me wrong, my father was a coach and I think many coaches are great teachers. This coach was also a good teacher; however, he had a VERY dry delivery. It also happened to be at a time during the day when I would rather be sleeping than sitting in any class. The coach had pre-written ALL class notes to be used on an overhead projector, which he simply read through and turned to the next page.

The first few weeks of class I became mesmerized by the hummmm of the projector, the bright light, the warm room, the full stomach, and the smell of formaldehyde. I fought sleep almost daily and the days that I didn't fight sleep I fought day dreaming. Out of desperation I decided to try something that would at least keep me awake during class. I decided to simply copy down the Coach's notes exactly as is. This seemed to work. It helped me to stay focused during class. It wasn't perfect, but it was a vast improvement from fighting sleep and day dreaming. In addition, I found that these notes came in very useful while studying for tests. Although I did learn Biology in the class, I believe the best thing that Coach taught me was the proper way to organize and take notes. This skill took me through several degrees and is still used today. By the way, I ended up minoring in Biology in college.

Note taking is a great way to stay alert and engaged during class as well as make the studying process easier. In addition, it can also be a good coping skill. Years and years ago we were a society that taught both print and also cursive or script hand writing. Studies have shown again and again that writing in a journal is a fantastic way to cope with the normal stressors of life. Many other studies show that hand writing in a journal has a greater effect than typing in an online journal.

We teach our kids and teens how to be "successful" in the real world, yet we have changed our definition of success. In many ways this has created a decline in society and also in our education system. We must change our definition of success if we want to raise children who will be happy and healthy adults. We currently measure success often by ones position in a job or by the amount of money that person makes. Instead, we should measure success not by what someone does or how much they make, but by who they are and how much they give back to society. In order to have a happy and healthy adult life we must learn how to cope with life. Instead of only pushing academia and athleticism, we should also be instilling in our kids valuable coping skills. More and more kids are turning to alcohol, drugs, and sex as coping skills to "feel better" about themselves and their life circumstances. We must teach our kids that alcohol, drugs, and sex are not the best coping skills. They have too many negative repercussions.

Good coping skills include journaling (by hand) how one feels during the day. You can also add what it is that made you feel that way. Note taking is a great way to keep the mind focused on one task at a time. Hobbies such as painting, building, working on cars or other projects are great at releasing stress. Exercise and being active in sports are also great ways of releasing stress.

Although there are tons of great ways to cope with stress there are also some things that are not a stress relief but rather entertainment. Movies, television and video games are often classified as "stress relievers", but instead they are "numb-ers". They don't release stress, but they numb us out for a while. Don't get me wrong, entertainment has a place in life, therefore video games, television and movies are fantastic. However, they should be classified as entertainment, not as a coping skill and therefore should be limited on a daily basis.

I hope you all will take time every day to relieve excess tension and stress. Then be sure and teach your kids how to do it by modeling what you are doing and encouraging them to try healthy ways of relieving stress.

The RearView Mirror

When I was 15 years old I was living in a very small Central Texas town. I was gainfully employed at the only office supply store in the town, or in the county, for that matter. Thankfully, my parents were also employed therefore they had to take off work in order to take me to work. This was difficult therefore I applied for a hardship license until I turned 16. I remember practicing driving quite regularly on the old back roads in my 1968 Ford. It was an old car, but it could run. I would practice everything, including parallel parking so that I would have no problems passing the driving test.

The DPS officer in that town (there was only one) was only there part time and we had to go through him in order to get our license. He was the typical officer who was rather gruff and intimidating. All of us kids were scared of him not just because of his intimidation but mostly because we knew he held the sole ability to grant or deny our license.

On the day of my driving test I went to the DPS office and waited in a stark white room with very little décor. I had already passed my written test and I had practiced driving enough to where I just knew I could do it. My name was called. I walked towards him and we head to my car. He gets in and basically tells me to do exactly what he tells me to do. Therefore, we take off. My nervousness level is absolutely through the roof, but I refuse to let him see my anxiety. I put the car in reverse and back out. Now to drive and off we go. My eyes were huge as I looked at every stop sign, stop light, road bump, pedestrian, basically anything that could keep me from getting my license. I went up the hill towards the town square. Now on to parallel parking in the Methodist Church parking lot. I did it, everyone and everything was safe. I didn’t speed, I didn’t hit anything, I had done it !! I was so happy. I pulled back into the DPS office parking spot and put the car in park. I turn the engine off and eagerly await the good news and the receipt of my license. The officer looked at me and said I had failed. I was aghast. Failed? Why? He said I looked in my rearview mirror to often.

This is a very true story. Unfortunately, there are many other people who are caught spending way too much time looking at the rear view mirror in their personal life. They spend their time looking at the past, at what lies behind them. Just like with driving, we should glance at our rearview mirrors. It helps us keep track of what is behind us just in case something back there is trying to creep up on us. It helps us stay aware so that we’re not rear ended with unresolved issues of the past.

Although constantly studying the past can be negative, so can spending too much time looking too far down the road. I must be able to see far enough ahead to navigate rough spots, but if that’s all we do is constantly look way down the road then we’re missing the most important thing in life. Now. Yes, the now is where we live. It’s the circumstances and situations that present themselves today, not yesterday nor tomorrow, but today. Most of our time should be focused on enjoying this one day, whatever it might hold. When we focus on today then the beauty of it reveals itself to us. We are able to meet people where they are and help satisfy their needs. We also begin to enjoy our current relationships. Living in the here and now helps us to see our relationships and the people who make up those relationships much more clearly. The negative traits are diminished as we focus on the positive ones which help to build and strengthen the relationship.

Today I encourage you to stop worrying so much about your past nor your future, but instead decide to live today. Make your plans for the future and remember the lessons of the past, but live in the present. I’ll close with a song I remember my Grandfather playing and singing. It’s a simple song written years ago. The chorus reads simply:

One day at a time sweet Jesus

That's all I'm askin' of you

Just give me the strength To do every day what I have to do

Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus

And tomorrow may never be mine

Lord, help me today, show me the way One day at a time

May you live one day at a time.

Motivation

Are you a motivated person? Do you have clear dreams? How about a logical action plan?

Many people today try living their life without dreams or goals. They live a life without direction, allowing circumstances to make their decisions for them. Even those people who have dreams and goals often find themselves frustrated because they can’t figure out how to reach them. They may feel “stuck” or “caught in a rut”. Can you imagine living your life in a “rut”? Many people do just that.

We have all felt “stuck” at some time in our life. We can feel this way in many different areas of our life. Often we may feel caught in one area while moving ahead in other areas. It can be more frustrating spinning your wheels trying to get out of the rut than it is just being caught in that rut. This is usually because we have tried everything we know to get moving again and it just isn’t working.

Many years ago individuals in professional trades often had apprentices who learned the trade from their master. The apprentice would study the trade and then have hands on practice until they became a master. If the apprentice became stuck the master was always available to help them. Our society has changed and many people value their independence so much that it blocks them from reaching their ultimate goals. We are often afraid of admitting that we need help with something. Those who do seek help have historically been called weak. That is far from the truth. The truth is that individuals who seek help when they become stuck are the smart ones. They have chosen to attain their goals and dreams over choosing to be stuck in their human pride.

Motivation can be both intrinsic and extrinsic. Of course, the best would be to have an intrinsic motivation that is not swayed by outside circumstances. Unfortunately, we don’t always “feel” motivated. We often don’t want to do what we need to do to achieve our goals. The most important tool to have in our arsenal is a good support network. In our support network we should try to develop relationships with individuals who could serve as “mentors” in various aspects of our lives. We should also have a web of friendships who can support us through the good and bad times.

If you are feeling “stuck”, it’s important that you share with your network of close friends. Allow them to come alongside you and encourage you. And, as always, be prepared to do this for them when they need your encouragement. If you still can’t find a way out, seek out wise counsel. This may be in the form of a mentor or even a Therapist.

“There is a false belief within our society that to be a winner you have to hit a home run each and every time you go to hit the ball. In reality very few human beings can turn out these sorts of averages. Simply, a winner keeps trying to hit the ball until he hits more than he misses; losers quit." - Author Unknown

The Written Word & Stress

This last month I have been noticing how many teens come into my office who are not proficient at the written language. Many of them are great with typing and texting, but not actually writing. I had one 6th grader who did not have a signature because he didn't write in cursive. Unfortunately, with greater technology we are also losing some fantastic coping skills that help us the rest of our lives with dealing with stress.

I often give an analogy to my clients that I call the Emotional Barrel Analogy. If you can imagine with me a large barrel much like an old time rain barrel. On the inside at the bottom of the barrel you can find all of the logical, healthy choices you must make through life. They're written down there very clearly to see. Imagine on the outside at the bottom of the barrel are lots of various sized spigots, faucets, or valves (whatever you like to call them). Imagine that emotion and stress of ANY type (positive or negative) is all thrown into this Emotional Barrel. Some emotion is rather positive and clear while much of it is dirty and negative. When mixed together it becomes a pool of filthy water. As the barrel begins to fill it becomes increasingly more difficult to see the answers at the bottom of the barrel. Eventually we cannot see through the muck and mire to see these answers. It is at this point that we often begin making decisions based solely out of emotion rather than out of logic and taking into consideration emotion. If the barrel is allowed to fill to the brim and overflow then we experience issues such as panic attacks, anxiety issues, depression, rage, anger, etc.

Many people spin their wheels trying to change emotion. We cannot change an emotion just like we cannot change oil into water. Each emotion is unique and cannot be altered. It CAN be drained and replaced however. We must focus our attention on keeping our barrel drained in order to make healthy decisions for our lives.

So how do we drain emotion? Simple, the phrase is "coping skills". These are methods that we use to drain excess emotion. Some examples include, but are definitely not limited to, exercise, listening to music, talking with friends and family, crying, yelling, hitting, smoking, medication, alcohol, etc. You can see that some coping skills are good (meaning they have positive consequences) while others are bad (meaning they have unhealthy consequences). We need to do our best to learn and utilize good coping skills that have positive consequences. We don't want to drain emotion using a coping skill and then have the barrel fill back up due to the negative consequences of that same coping skill.

One of my all time favorite coping skills is journaling. Journaling has been used for centuries for many reasons. Journaling is simply another form of venting without many negative consequences. You see, venting to friends and family is wonderful, but because they care so much for you they tend to adopt our feelings and although we feel better after venting they often feel worse. This is especially true if the issue is a long term issue. Journaling on paper doesn't have that type of consequence. If you are afraid someone may read your journal then just tear that page away. The writing is the important part, it's not necessary for you to keep it.

The best form of journaling is using pen / pencil and paper. Although there are many electronic journals available which are good, they don't have the same impact as writing things out. Utilizing pen and paper also makes the mind slow down in order to write logical sentences. Our brains can be trained just like the rest of our body and we must learn to control it and make it slow down.

Some schools are now going green. Meaning they are doing away with as much paper usage as possible. Tests are online, homework is online, everything is online. Although this is great for the environment it creates a group of kids that are NOT being taught a VERY important coping skill that can be used their entire life. I do recognize the importance of helping our environment, but I find it to be much more important to help our next generation learn how to handle life.

Since schools are becoming more technologically advanced we must make sure to teach our children how to write. Encourage your kids to practice their handwriting skills by keeping journals. If you are also feeling stressed this is a great time to begin journaling also. If it is a family ordeal you may consider having a time where the entire family sits down together to journal. You don't have to read what others wrote but if they would like to share then be willing to listen. At least you're spending time with your family AND teaching everyone a valuable lesson in how to handle difficult, emotional times.

Finding Joy in your Job

In 2002, Sheryl Crow had a hit song entitled “Soak Up The Sun”. In the song she had a wonderful line that said, “It’s not having what you want, it’s wanting what you’ve got”. So can this really be possible? For many years this has been a conundrum for so many people. They end up “wanting” their lives away. They miss so many things they do have and focus instead on what they don’t have.

Recently, I was reading through Ecclesiastes and I was perplexed by a statement found in three different places. In Ecclesiastes 3:13 and 5:19, the Bible tells us that if any man finds satisfaction and enjoyment in his work it is a gift from God. It also says in Ecclesiastes 6:2 that there are times when God gives a person wealth and possessions but does not enable him to enjoy them. This made me begin thinking about the way we address our work, our finances, and our possessions. Do we truly have a healthy perspective on them or have we lost our focus along the way? Ecclesiastes tells us several wonderful truths about them. It puts them in proper perspective.

First, in all these verses it is evident that God controls the flow of money and possessions. He gives differently to different people. The reason why He does this is not shared. All we know is that God is firmly in control. So how does this apply to our lives today? It’s easy to say the lesson is to simply trust in God. That is definitely a lesson in and of itself, but there may be more specific truth here. Our wealth or financial status is not earned or gained from our own hands. God apportions as He sees fit. The Bible does talk about laziness and that we should toil or work and not give in to laziness. However, we have become a world where we live as if our job is going to be paying our next bill and is putting food on the table. The truth is that God Himself is taking care of our needs. Sometimes He chooses to use our job to give us money in order to pay our bills and sometimes He chooses other methods. However, all money, wealth, health, possessions, all are given by God. This applies to every part of our lives. I see many couples come in because their marriage is on the brink of disaster and one of the biggest comments I get is, “She/He just doesn’t make me happy any more” or some variation. In truth, we shouldn’t seek out others to make us happy. We shouldn’t throw our expectations of perfection on anyone, not even our spouse. Our expectations should be thrown on to God. Our needs for affection, intimacy, safety, love, compassion, everything should be sought in God alone. Again, often He uses others to express those to us, but they still come from Him.

Secondly, if we are to find happiness in our toil it makes sense that there are certain jobs that would “fit” us more than others. It is important to know that when you are working in a job that does not match you, it will be difficult to find happiness. You can find joy no matter what your circumstance because real joy comes from God, but finding happiness can be elusive. Happiness comes from yourself, it’s a choice made every day. So many clients and friends have bounced from job to job never finding a job they enjoy. Is it because they haven’t made that choice to be happy? Sometimes it is. However, there are times when the jobs they find are not good fits. Many people chase after monetary rewards or benefits when seeking out work. They take a job because it pays well, but then they find they are stuck in a miserable position and often not succeeding in that position. If we truly understand the first principle, that God distributes wealth as He sees fit and that He alone takes care of all your needs then it is much easier to swallow this second concept. Instead of finding a job with the best pay, we should be spending time getting to know ourselves and the talents, gifts, and passions that God has given each of us. Once we know them then we can begin the process of finding a position that utilizes them. This may take time, but in the end it is worth it. You have found a job that you enjoy and then learned how to depend on God to take care of your financial needs. This is true happiness.

Last, but not least, happiness in your job is a gift from God. God’s love for you is great. He even cares about what you do for a living. When you have accepted and begin to live by the above two truths then you will receive a wonderful gift from God. That gift is the happiness you will find in work and in life. Although the Bible tells us, we know from personal experience that many people never find happiness. It seems to escape them. We often look in to their situation and can see clearly why they aren’t happy, but how many times are we unhappy and yet we can’t figure out why. We fail to heed the wisdom of friends and family and we continue down a path, which is “chasing after wind”. We chase money, wealth, happiness, and possessions. Yet, we don’t have to chase things that are so empty. We can chase after God and He can provide us with everything else.

So how does this relate to our current life? What can we learn from a book written so many years ago? Solomon knew that our human nature is to chase. The question isn’t if we’re going to chase, but what we’re going to chase. Are we going to chase everything under the sun or are we going to chase the one who made the sun. The choice is clear and simple. What have you been chasing after? The Teacher says that if you are chasing after anything other than God then you are chasing after wind. You will spend your life flailing about hoping to catch it. You will never find meaning in anything else, it’s all meaningless. The only time we find true meaning is when we chase after God. Chase after Him with all your might and you will catch something. You will catch joy, love, peace, and happiness.

Hagar and Ishmael

This morning I was moved almost to tears by a story in the Bible found in Genesis. Most of us know that Abraham and Sarah had a child when he was 100 years old. Before he had Isaac though he had another son from one of Sarah's maidservants. The maidservants name was Hagar and the son she bore was named Ishmael. Hagar was put through a lot after she gave birth to Ishmael, but when Sarah gave birth to Isaac she told Abraham to get rid of Hagar and Ishmael. The story says they were given some water and sent into the desert. The Bible says that when the water skins ran dry Hagar set the child under a tree and walked off because she could not bear to see her son die. The Bible tells us that she cried and her son cried because they thought they were going to die.

I can imagine how that must have felt having two children of my own. Hagar loved her son so much that she couldn't watch him die. There was Hagar in the middle of the desert after dropping her son off under a tree to die where she collapsed and cried out of exhaustion, thirst, and utter despair. Her son was sitting under the tree alone, scared, thirsty and not understanding why his Mother left him also crying. God heard those cries and He gave Hagar a promise also. He also supplied a well for water and He made his promise come true. He said Ishmael would be made into a great nation.

This story reminds me of the story in the New Testament about Jesus and the woman at the well. God supplies us with a way to never be thirsty again as long as we ask. God hears our heart cries but He doesn't play genie. When our hearts cry out for help He is faithful and will help us. Oftentimes we have to be at the driest point of our situation before we turn to God for help. God doesn't require that this happens, He is ready and willing to help at any point. However, if our heart is not in the right place He will typically wait.

How many times in your life have you felt you were at your lowest point? Have you ever reached a point of depravity so deep that the only thing you could do was cry out to God? Or have you always found a way out of your situation only to find out you're back in another situation. God wants to change our character, not our habits. True character change will be reflected in real behavior change. The Bible says God spoke from heaven to Hagar. Even in our deepest pain God is always there. His love and mercy endures forever. He's waiting for our heart cry so let's cry out to Him and be changed.